Language Translator

Tuesday, 5 February 2013

This is a true story....

If you book at the Ramanda Plaza Hotel, make sure that they give you a wake up call. I nearly missed my flight because they forgot to call me! I also discovered later on the plane that they forgot the wake up call for other people in the hotel! Perhaps it's time that someone gave them the wake up call! 

 ...that happened to me yesterday. It was announced that the plane that I was just about to board from San Jose to Newark, had a maintenance problem and was going to be at least an hour delay! Oh well, it really didn't bother me and seemed to be the feeling with most people that I got to know there as a result of the delay. Old people that was. I was mixing with old, older farts than me! How did this happen?

  While sat down waiting at gate 10 at the airport and chatting to my new friendly older chums, I couldn't help but notice all the old American men were wearing either short or long sleeved checked shirts. I thought, Christ!  I hope I don't look like that when I'm old. But I am old and then I realized that I too, was wearing a long-sleeved checked shirt. Damn! I look like one of them already! I had to do somethin about it and in the toilet I rooted deep into my bag and found my other shirt. My other new checked shirt! I was starting to get a sweat on and I really don't want to do that. Not only will I look like an old man in a checked shirt, but I bloody smell like one of them too! This wasn't good and I calmed myself down. Ok, which one looks good on me, the brown and white checked shirt or the brown and white checked shirt? I could feel a drip of sweat on my brow. It was a very tough decision to know which one to put on and they were now calling to say that they're were boarding. Suddenly, I remembered that I also had a jumper in my bag and grabbed it and put it on quickly to hind the checked shirt that made me look older than what I was. I looked and felt a lot better as I stepped out towards gate 10 with my pale blue jumper with large dark blue diamonds on the front, to discover that we were now being moved to gate 17!

  As a result of the delay, I missed my connection from Newark to Heathrow and stayed in a very posh hotel overnight. All cost paid for by United Airways and they gave everyone each a zimmer-frame!! They also gave us $10 dollers for food during our overnight stay in the hotel. $10!?
  This is just great! I am now going to spend my whole evening with a bunch of old farts under one roof! And then, then, when it's it's time for bed, which will be 19.30, after they've finished playing dominoes, I am going to find myself with every pillow I can find to hind my head and ears under from the loud painful, painful to me, no torture, sound of snoring!  Before I went to bed, I called the very nice receptionist man and asked if he could give me a wake up call at 06.00. I had to be at the airport for 07.00 for the 09.00 flight.
  The following morning I woke up in this very lush hotel, and from my bed, I could see across New Jersey that a few centimeters of snow had fallen. I casually glanced at my watch, 07.00!! He didn't give me my wake up call, the dopey plonker! I was straight on to the phone and the same nice receptionist man answered. Now, I'm a very calm man, except when I'm wearing checked shirts, and I was, you know, cool about it. 'Hi! Why didn't you call me at 06.00?' He was cool about it as well 'That's 838?' It was getting on and I really needed to move if I was going to catch that plane 'I'm kind of pissed off! What time does the bus go?' quick response 'In half an hour!' By this stage I was panicking  'Half an hour!? Can't you put a special on for me?' 'NO!' I said it again 'I'm really, really pissed off now and I want to have a shower, breakfast with my 10 bloody dollars and most important, I want to not miss that plain to Heathrow' He came back 'Your pissed off? What I would do is have a quick shower, brush your teeth and your hair' My hair!?He was now taking the piss! He continued 'And then come downstairs and grab yourself a muffin and coffee and the bus will be waiting for you at the front at 07.30!' What! Is he my mum or somethin or is one of those grannies that I met yesterday, giving him some advice on what to say, brush your teeth and hair, in the reception office? To be honest, this was beginning to not be funny with his pretty shit attitude and he had not opologised to me yet! However, I found myself doing what he said. At the breakfast table the waitress asked me what I wanted? I told her about my situation and she replied that we better be quick then. I ordered 'Can I have two poached eggs on toast please?' Her reply was sharp 'Poached egg? Don't you want something that's quick to cook?' Two minutes to Poach an egg? I thought. Do you have to wait for the chicken to lay the egg out in the kitchen? I scanned the menu again. Steak and potatoes!? I looked at my watch and had 15 minutes. She could see I was not relaxed 'Right, your having scrabbled egg and toast!' I am? Hang on a minute, it takes longer to scrabble an egg? 'What toast do you want?' she was not in good shape herself 'Oh, cooked and square' She got tense 'Brown, white, mead, oat, cheesy, nutty?' She was the one that was bloody nutty!
  I finished my concentrated orange juice and the scrambled egg that had been sat in the kitchen flat in a pan since last year and then offered her my voucher of $10. She hit me with the news 'What's this? Your bill has come to $14!' I was shocked! I didn't have any dollars on me and I wasn't going to no cash machine. I was relaxed 'Look, seeming that your hotel made a big mistake, don't you think that you could take off the $4 and let me go and catch my plane? In a rather deep threatening voice 'NO!!' No! I lay into her at the top of my voice for a few seconds, because I was still aware that I had a bus to climb onto in a few minutes! How could I forget? There, that showed her and shut her up! She calmly came back with 'NO! I can't because we are separate from the hotel!' Ooo! 'Oh, I see. Well I didn't know that' I will go and see the receptionist who started this whole problem in the first place. She told me that I wouldn't get the money off them! My answer to that was simple 'You wanna a bet!?' The dopey receptionist was nowhere to be seen. So I explained to the other receptionist of what happened 'Just a second' she quietly said and she walked off out of sight! Christ! I had a few minutes left to get to the god damn airport and there was a panic over a measly $4 that I had to pay up or I would be shot on the spot! Well they have more than likely got 100 guns behind the counter. This is the USA remember! This older lady came forward and sightly opened the till and gave the $4 and again, not once did I hear an apology from the staff for their inconvenience that they have caused me.They didn't utter a word! I skipped to the waitress with a grin from ear to ear and passed over the $4. She looked in shock that I had got it from just across road! As I she took the money, she dropped it on the floor. Very clumsy
  I arrived at United checkin desk and I was dragged to the front as I only had five minutes to get through! That's how close it was to missing my flight! I was the last in the plane and I asked if there was a whole row of seats that I could sit in and there was! I put my feet up, lay back and watched New Castle v Chealsea! Live! What a game it was and Newcastle won 3-2 to make me and Mick Scot feel a lot better. Mick wasn't with me on the plane, I mean, that would be amazing meeting someone from Scilly on the flight, he just supports Newcastle. Magic stuff!!

A heavy cloud hugging a mountain

Looking down at costa Rica

 Here are some more pics of birds that I saw on my travels around Costa Rica.

Pair of Slate Flowerpierce 

Brown-capped Vireo. There was also a Yellow-winged Vireo nearby and Swallow-tailed Kites in the skies above.

Rather large Striped-crowed Sparrow

Rufus-collard Sparrow are all over the shop

Yellow-faced Grassquit

Turkey Vulture

Spangled-cheeked Tanager

Sooty-capped Bush Tanager

Streaked-headed Woodcreeper

Male Yellowthroat

Fiery-billed Aracari


One good thing came out of writing up about my experience in the hotel. It gave me the opportunity of showing the best clips of Fawlty Towers. Just first class comedy! I was talking about the Ramanda Plaza Hotel not Fawlty Towers. I don't think I have to let everyone know that this program is the funniest thing to hit the TV screen!

No comments:

Post a Comment